Thursday, April 14, 2011

Life's Many Twists

As you can see, I haven't posted here in a couple months. I wish I could say it was because we at the Norris Ranch have been having too much fun. Life can't be all roses and laughter, I guess. There were good doses of that during this lapse...but unfortunately, our personal life has taken one of its many unwelcomed turns.

So weird when the other areas have been going so well. Our finances finally leveled out. My publishing dream is coming true in spades. My children are strong and healthy and doing (or not doing) exactly what they're supposed to for their ages. My husband and I are more in love and connected than we've ever been. Work is rewarding and challenging.

I feel sucker punched.

Stunned disbelief turned to panic turned to denial turn to distress turned to frustration turned to angry.

Yes, I was -- and still sometimes am -- angry. I can admit it in the framework of words on screen. I want to throw something, yell at someone, and...blame anything other than the fact "it happens". "It happens" is not tangible to me. I can't grasp it, come to terms with it and then tuck it away.

It's there. It's not going away any time soon. It's causing pain. With the anger came the fear of acceptance.

I have a brain tumor.

With the acceptance, I gazed around and noticed life continued ticking. Nothing halted. The world kept going and I could either falter, freeze, and stop going with it...or, I could work through it and beyond it.

I could get through it. I mean, come on, I have the best ammunition in the world. A loving husband, 4 awesome kids, a large supportive family, and really great friends. Who could ask for anything better than that going into something soooo scary?