My First Little Guy

This weekend was one of those relaxing weekends you wished you could experience every time.

The only thing missing was my oldest son Billy, then it would’ve been perfect. He’s part of the Sea Scouts and had color guard this weekend. I don’t get to experience these events with him; it’s something he does with his “guys” and his dad.

It’s hard watching him grow up; mixed emotions seem to be a constant at this phase of parenting. Pride at what a great young man he’s becoming. Sadness at what a great young man he’s becoming.

This weekend I couldn’t help feeling like I was losing him. I know, I’m technically not. He’ll always visit and I might get lucky enough and he’ll live in the same town or nearby.

But I AM losing him…

Soon he won’t be my Billy anymore. The young vibrant skater/Sea Scout. Waking up on weekday morning’s complaining about school and me getting him up late. Walking into the kitchen and seeing him eating his bowl of cereal. Him coming in excited because he accomplished some new death defying skateboard trick, or explored some new part of town with his friends.

No, he’ll turn into Bill…or William. He’ll get an apartment after college; get a job (hopefully one he loves). He’ll call once a week to remind me he still loves me and that he’s still alive. He won’t think about me every day. Won’t be thinking about what his dad’s going to cook for dinner. He’ll be wondering what he’s going to cook for dinner.

He’ll become the world’s Billy and I’ll be a backdrop in his life.

I might be getting a case of nostalgia; Billy’s 8th grade promotion is coming up and he'll be going to high school next year. I got like this when he graduated elementary school.

The little boy so like me when I was a kid: artist, creative, adventurous. My first little guy, the one who started me on this voyage of motherhood. Showing me the greatest parts of life as I watched him grow and explore his new planet.

Man I love that kid, and the man he’s growing into.