Friday, February 12, 2010
Parkour Boy Turns Fifteen
"Three more years and I am on my own!" Parkour Boy smiles and tosses in a fist pump.
My heart cracks a little more and I fight back the tears. I smile, nod, and give my best "Mom-style" fist pump (the kind intended for full embarrassment impact).
Everyone else sees a young man growing into adulthood. I can see that too. But what they don't see?
The little toddler who squealed over dump trucks and fell in love with C3PO. The young boy of 5 who, for years, introduced himself as a paleontologist. The little toe-head who would run and jump in my lap and cuddle, but refuse to hold my hand in the store because he was "a big boy".
If I close my eyes real tight I can feel him as a baby wrapped tight in the nook of my arms. When we're on the beach I can look at him in the distance walking with his dad...and I'm not seeing the teenager in deep discussion. I'm seeing the little boy giggling and holding Daddy's hand.
I love him so much, and I'm proud he's independent, strong-willed, and excited to start his own adventure. But my heart breaks a little bit more the closer he gets.
Why am I a babbling mess? A cry baby at the drop of a hat? Happy one moment and completely a wreck the next?
Monday, Parkour Boy turns 15.
Don't get me wrong...I am happy but as any Mom will tell you, it's a double-edge sword. Each milestone ahead of them is farther away from you and your protective wings. And I'll admit, with Parkour Boy it's a little keener than the others. He's my first and the most like me. He's the one who altered my whole life. I looked into those baby blue eyes in the hospital and could feel the shift. THUD! My heart fell for him and I was from that moment on a Mother.
He's my poet, my artist, and my adventure partner. He's fearless, tiresome, internal yet goofy too. He's a brooder and a natural cynic. Parkour's an old soul who's ready to take each moment in depth and draw from it the most he can.
God, I love him (oh man, here come the tears again...damn it).
Happy birthday, Honey. I love you very much.